dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
