Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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