i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
