Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
