who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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