I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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