I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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