Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
