It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
how does that bad decision feel?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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