You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
