I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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