Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
