bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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