you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
they're like a gay fantastic four
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
