Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
