I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
