So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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