david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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