when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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