At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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