Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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