I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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