first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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