Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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