the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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