I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
