How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Acid is not a monday night drug
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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