Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
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I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I pour the whiskey from now on
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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