woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
