Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
