I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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