ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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