I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
