Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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