so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Randomize
