Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize