I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Randomize
