we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
