Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
