Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
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Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
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Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
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