Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
