No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
