there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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