Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
