you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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