Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
