just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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