billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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