he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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