Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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