I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
