Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
