Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize