u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
is it fun? or sober?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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