But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he fucked my hip out of place.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
