so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
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