I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
