Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
