I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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