not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
