It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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